Mia’s story: How simple kindness changed my life

Plato is famously quoted as saying, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.” and there are many more examples of similar thoughts in today’s meme-filled world. But how does being kind really help? Is it just a nice saying or can kindness change a life?  
 
Steve Blundell, Marketing and Content Lead at MHFA England® caught up with Mia* who shares some of her story about how kindness and the support from a Mental Health First Aider changed her life.  

Thank you for your time, Mia. Can you start by sharing how you first came to learn more about MHFAiders®? 

I work for a charity and wellbeing and mental health are often spoken about as part of our supervision sessions. But I guess I always thought I was ok and that it was only serious poor mental health that needed to be supported.  

One day, a colleague who shares the same four work pods as me and who I often shared lunch with, mentioned that they were on training for the next four mornings. This is not an uncommon occurrence at our workplace, with many undergoing training. So, if I am honest, I didn’t pay too much attention to it. It was only when the small group came back during the second day’s break that I started to pay attention.  

Why was that? 

They started talking about self-care and about some of the conversations they had about us all having mental health and taking steps to protect it. I enquired a bit more about what they were doing, and they replied that they were undertaking training to become Mental Health First Aiders. 

So, I started a bit of Google searching and discovered MHFA England and the course itself. I caught up with my colleagues over lunch the next few days and they shared a bit more about their role and the training itself.  

I didn’t think much more of it. Our monthly staff newsletter highlighted the new group of MHFAiders, and we started seeing posters around the building of people we could talk to it we needed it. I just thought, ‘Oh, that’s a nice thing to do – some people might need that’. – I didn’t realise I might be one of them. 

What changed? 

Having reflected as part of these chats, I think it wasn’t one thing that changed – it was many over a short period of time. Both my partner’s workload and mine seemed to increase overnight and we were both in larger projects that were affecting our day-to-day work. Our children’s activities changed, and while this might not seem huge, a simple time change had a big impact on who picked up and on what day.  

A bit like a lobster in a pot, I just didn’t notice what was going on around me. I would ‘just finish’ that report before I left the office, ‘quickly’ check my emails at home, or miss ‘one’ gym session and I thought I would be ok. It was just for a short period of time and then things would settle again. Except they didn’t and the ‘just finish’, ‘quickly’, and ‘one’, became ‘must get this done’, ‘lose an hour at home answering emails’, and the gym became a distant memory.  

I was getting more and more anxious, which led to poorer habits, and not sleeping well at all. Then more caffeine to cope. I am sure many will recognise this cycle. 

Little by little, I just wasn’t myself anymore and I think everything suffered as a result. 

Did you reach out to an MHFAider? 

Not at first. I come from a background where you just keep going – push through – it’s good for you. But I am learning that is not a great way to live life and taking time for yourself is important.  

One quiet afternoon in the office, my colleague offered to make the next round of tea and from what they said, I didn’t respond. I just looked blankly at them. They then asked me, “Are you ok?”. 

I wanted to just reply with “Yeah I am fine” and hope they would leave it there. But they waited a few extra seconds, and I found myself saying, “Actually, I think I am a bit fed up”. They smiled, sat back down, and listened to me as I talked a little about what was going on.  

It was a bit odd to not have someone come back with a whole range of solutions. They listened to me and let me speak and offload a little.  

As the conversation started to come to its conclusion, my colleague asked me if I had thought about using our EAP (Employee Assistance Programme) as they have lots of helpful tips and guides that might be helpful. So, they suggested we looked it up on the workplace intranet and they showed me how to log on.  

Again, the EAP details had been shared by our HR Team, but I had filed it away somewhere, as I thought it would be for someone else.  

My colleague didn’t suggest any one thing in particular; they sat with me while I looked, and I downloaded a help guide on self-care and looking after yourself. It felt that this one was what I needed to start with.   

What happened next? 

I went home and spoke with my partner, and shared a little bit about how I was feeling and what we might do to help each other. It was a really good conversation, and we also made the decision to get some help with collecting our kids (Thank you, grandparents).  
 
Through the guide and other conversations with my colleague, I have started to understand that self-care isn’t selfish – it’s essential. So, I have made time for my partner, my kids, and myself. I am learning that the time for myself helps me be a better parent, partner, and colleague.  

What would you say to anyone thinking of speaking to an MHFAider? 

Just do it! Someone listening without judgement and not just waiting to get their point of view across really is a life changer. It was a moment of kindness that stopped me spiralling into something that could have turned very serious.  

My colleague checks in every now and again and I make sure I read the emails from our workplace Mental Health First Aiders about wellbeing and self-care when they come round! 

I am finding it’s the little things, that really are the big things. Making priority for yourself and getting your own oxygen mask on is so important. I now take time for walks during the day and look to schedule in time for the things and people that matter.   

I am now more present, and I think a nicer person because of the kindness and help I received from the MHFAider when I needed it.  

*The person in this story has asked us to use a different name