Mal’s story: Supporting family, colleagues, and self 

Ahead of the first ever national MHFAider® Day, we spoke with long-term MHFAider, Mal Hazel. Mal is the Technical Assurance Lead at The Clancy Group. He’s been an MHFAider for over 10 years and is a passionate member of the Association of Mental Health First Aiders®. 

Mental Health First Aid is like normal first aid. It's one of those skills that once you have it, you can use it at work, in your community, with your friends, at home with your family. I’ve been fortunate to have taken MHFA training and to have had Instructors who’ve spent extra time supporting me in my own journey with mental health.  

Once I’d experienced the support myself, I knew that it worked. Being open, having conversations, and talking about how you’re feeling is so important. 

Supporting a family member with grief 

I lost my mother very suddenly to a heart condition. I have four brothers, and we were all grieving. We didn’t know how to deal with it or how to speak to each other. We didn’t realise how upset we were – all of us. It all bottled up. The stages of grief can cycle, it’s not a straightforward process. You deal with it all the time and you have different triggers that can surprise you. 

Shortly after, my father was diagnosed with cancer, and we cared for him whilst he was unwell. There were good days and bad days and towards the end we could see him slipping away, which gave us time to prepare. That didn’t stop it from being devastating. 

My younger brother spent a lot of time caring for my father. When it happened, it hit him very hard. As an MHFAider and his brother, I recognised the grief he was experiencing. He was shutting down emotionally, had increased mood swings, and a lot of anger. 

Seeing him shut down was heartbreaking for me. You feel powerless.  When it’s a family member, you’re tentative on how to take those steps as an MHFAider. You have a different relationship with them; you’ve got 50 years of history. It was ripping me apart seeing him go through it. 

But through my training, I was able to speak to him and signpost him to get support. It was amazing to speak to him again properly as his brother. He needed support, a cry, a hug, someone to sit there and listen. It helped him with part of the healing process. 

Sometimes when we get older, we drift apart and isolate ourselves in our own bubble of friends and family. What that experience of grief did for me and my family was bring those bubbles back together. I speak to my brother every single day now.  

Providing life-saving support 

As an MHFAider I’ve had many conversations about suicide. I remember a colleague who was a big, bubbly, bright character who really filled the room with their personality. I remember that changing and spotting signs of fatigue and exhaustion.  

He was trying to put on a facade to stop people recognising his struggles, but I noticed and asked him how he was. He said he was ‘okay’, but I asked again, and I could see tears in his eyes. I took him to the cafe around the corner, and we sat down, had a full English breakfast, and I listened to his struggles. Talking to someone and getting the right support releases the pressure and stress on an individual. 

I managed to get the individual time off, support from an occupational therapist, counselling, and some financial assistance too. I remember, he came up to me three months later and looked at me straight in the face and said, ‘If we didn’t have that chat, I wouldn’t be here today.’  

That on its own is what makes the training worthwhile for me, that they didn’t become a statistic on a poster. He moved into a space of positive mental health, and I keep in touch with them even though I don’t work with them anymore.  

The importance of self-care 

I always say that mental health starts with me. If I’m unwell, I can’t help others. You can have good days and bad days. Having the experience to let out your emotions and learn how to do that is so important. 

I encourage everyone to take up a hobby, it can be different for everyone, but it’s important to have an outlet and a way to release stress. For me, I play Dungeons and Dragons and role-play as a three-foot Gnome. It’s good for your mental health, it provides you with a level of detachment from the real-world. I play it with my wife, friends, and my younger brother. We used to play as kids and it’s come full circle, and we play it all the time. I can also watch my dog, Loki, muck around all day and if I had one wish, I would ask for him to speak for a day. 

Why being an MHFAider matters  

It’s so easy for people to deflect. I use the phrase ‘ask once, check twice’. When supporting others, it’s important to have the right tools in your toolbox. MHFA® training is the best tool. It’s a rewarding experience, but you must be dedicated and passionate about helping others. 

When supporting the individual, you have to treat them as one, find something that works for them. People need different things. I love signposting to the Hub of Hope, on the MHFAider Support App® that’s something that younger people can access easily and quickly on their phone. 

Being a member of the Association of Mental Health First Aiders® helps me feel supported and confident. The emails, newsletter, resource list has a huge range of tools that MHFAiders can use at work, home, and in our social lives. The fact that you can send someone a link and they have access to it right there and then is great. 

Celebrating our MHFAiders 

MHFAiders don’t do it for recognition, but they deserve it. On MHFAider Day, we say thank you to those who show up for others when it matters most.